Abscondita in Oceano (3:17 PM)

Lai wanted to smack him, or to scream at him for even thinking he wasn’t perfect, but instead the only words that tumbled from her split lip were I’m sorry’s and I love you’s, and the occasional drop of blood. It was rushed, and she was stupid to think they would go off without a hitch, but she could only pray, and hope they never tore apart. She knew of people who rushed things and completely had it blow up in their face, and others who worked on it. Lai wanted to make it work, she had faith in him, faith in them, as if he was thrown in her path, and was ment for her.

Jeff had always said fate had a play in the things that happened to people, that there was an other worldly hand at play throwing things in peoples path to make of it what they will. Lai was his, and Lyle was hers, she hoped. There were reasons she felt this way about him, reasons she was adamant to keep him for herself, and though she didn’t understand it all, she wanted to continue this and see it through. Looking up at him with puffy eyes, Lai gave him a oddly soft smile, “I promise I’ll stop running off, and just talk to you when I’m upset, but don’t be surprised if it’s everyday ‘till we figure all of this out,” she huffed, her throat raw from all the crying.

He snorted, this was fucked up, they were fucked up. Lyle knew that much. The tub was too small for them to stay this way for long but he was content to stick around in the cooling water for a little bit longer. “Baby, I’m always around for you. I’m just shit at you know, saying my emotions. I might leave you poetry when I’m upset” He teased her playfully, trying to force them into a state of easiness, he was desperate to shake the tenseness off of his shoulders it clung too strongly. “I didn’t leave when I woke up hungover and married because I want to work on this, I want to establish a life and a future and shit with you.” The smile was tentative as he drummed his fingers gently against her side, eager to see what a future with the pair of them held. How many books he could fill with poetry dedicated to her.

Abscondita in Oceano (3:17 PM)

alaizalmelmichellson:

She let out a sharp sob, the noise sounding more like a scoff, “I am happy, more than I ever have been in my life, more than when I got my G.E.D, when I sold my first piece of art, even more than singing in a coffee shop for the first time…it’s just,” her voice was so slurred with pain, and the wracking sob that shuddered out of her lungs, “I am just so insecure about it, because it means so much to me…Being a wife, an almost mother, but I don’t know what to do! I have no one telling me what is right or wrong with what I’m doing, if I am being an okay wife…” her eyes stung as she buried her face into her hands. “I never had a mom to look up to, to model myself after…”

Another wave of nausea hit her like a brick wall, halting her thoughts. “I just don’t want to be a disappointment in your life, I want to make you happy, cause you deserve it more than anyone I cared about,” every fear she had in the last few days was seeping out in her shaky words as she let out a whimper. “I am just…so lost…I love you so much it literally makes me crazy,” Lai chuckled now, sounding deranged as her hands made it up to her matted hair, tugging at it. “I’m sorry…”

He frowned, she never had a mother, it sounded like an excuse to him. He never had parents either, just strict rules about how he should behave in society. But, this was Alaizabel, she didn’t make excuses, at least not that he’d learned to know of her. Looking her up and down, she looked like death, and he was sure that he looked no better. He wanted to fix this, fix her, fix whatever road they had turned down. “You don’t need a mother to have morals, plenty of people haven’t had mothers, you are so fucking smart and you don’t give yourself credit for it. But…I get it okay? I have no clue what to do either, but I want to have no clue what to do with you next to me. You aren’t always going to be the perfect wife, I don’t expect you be, just like you shouldn’t expect me to be the perfect husband. We rushed this, all of this. But it’s never felt wrong, Elvira”

With ease he reached across the tub and pulled her into his lap arms coiled around her, he was still too angry, residual emotions that wouldn’t wash away in just a bath. But he needed her close. He felt like he would burst out of his skin, rubbed too raw by the emotions that only belonged in poetry. “I love you and it makes me stupid and I am okay with that. I gave up my family because you matter more, isn’t…that should be enough to prove that I am too serious about you to leave” He rumbled out eyes closed tightly trying to ignore the thick smell of salt water that still clung to her like a second skin.

Abscondita in Oceano (3:17 PM)

alaizalmelmichellson:

Her eyes stung, and the hot water really burned, but she had no right to complain. Lyle was doing something kind, despite the pain in his voice, he seemed to care enough to put her in the bath, then join her. The tears slid down her cheeks as she held back the urge to wretch into the tub, swallowing the bile back down. That burned too as she coughed, trying her damnedest not to seems as pathetic as she felt. “I-I just am scared you’re going to get fed up with me, so I just hide when I feel that way, cause I don’t want to drag you down…” her little frame shook as she held back a sob, “I feel like I’m not the wife you envisioned, that I’m just going to fail you, cause that’s what I do…”

She bit her lip hard, feeling the blood begin to trickle in to her mouth. “Jeff, he was right about me, I’m not going to amount to anything, and I don’t want to loose you…that’s why I want the baby,” she blurted out. She didn’t want to hide it from him, and she felt bad enough she left, so why not just all say it at once. If he hit her, she deserved it. She could see him wrapping his large hands around her throat, taking her breath away…Lai shook the thought out of her head. “I thought if I had one, you’d stay even if I fucked up…” the blood tasted more acrid than usual, making her stomach churn uncomfortable, the hot water now up around her waist.

His head hit the tiles behind him with a thunk, the pain was a sharp sensation and it helped to focus his thoughts. So he did it again, and again, and a fourth time for good measure. With a heavy sigh Lyle looked down at the water it was murky and he didn’t know what to say, had he not been good enough to her? Did he leave something unsaid that she really thinks that he’d leave her? “Alaizabel…” Was all he could manage closing his eyes Lyle bowed his head, a move that would have been done in defeat. This felt like defeat. But he didn’t intend to give up. “You need to tell me what I can do to prove to you that I don’t give a fuck if you’re not a Stepford wife, what I want out of you as a wife is someone who trusts me not to take off. Y-you can’t have a baby just to grapple me into staying. That’s not fair to me. I wouldn’t leave you baby or not. If I didn’t want to be here I would have gotten this annulled when I had the chance” The words stuck uncomfortably to his tongue, not wanting to seep out into the air made humid by the water that had filled the tub by now.

Shutting the water off he took a breath, “But I’m no one to talk, you know? I lied, I was nervous about the baby. I just…I wanted to make you happy. You were drifting and running, I thought you weren’t happy” He admitted lips pursing into a frown as he stared at the distorted image of his lower body in the water. He needed this to work, he needed him and Alaizabel to work out.

Abscondita in Oceano (3:17 PM)

alaizalmelmichellson:

Coughing, Lai stumbled onto the fire escape, almost falling to her death on the ladder. She wanted to puke again, adding to the six times she did from her shuffle home from the beach. Gripping at her stomach, Lai found herself retching over the fire escape, at this point just clear liquid, and stomach acid. Her hair was wet and matted over her gaunt face, and her damp clothes hung loosely over her thinner than normal frame. She looked like a drowned ghost coming back to haunt someone. Wiping her mouth harshly, Lai tripped into the window, feeling her face slam into the glass, knocking her to her knees. Tears welled in her puffy, red eyes as she tried to catch her breath, her cheek bone throbbing from the impact.

Something warm trickled down her face, and she tried to reach for it, wipe it off, but she huffed a sob out instead. Lai was feeling so pathetic, she just wanted to die on the spot. Her hands trembled at she raised them towards the window sill, pulling herself up, and struggling to open the window, that now had a crack in it. Her hands fumbled, slipping a few times before finally heaving the wretched thing open and fell into the room with a loud thud. The pain shook her, rocketing her into a slight convulsion, arms wrapping around her side. She just wanted to die, to not feel anything anymore. Pathetic. Reaching up for the window, she only shut it half way before shakily standing up and making her way to the waste bin to wretch out stomach acid, bringing her count to eight.

He made haste in walking into the bedroom after hearing the crack against the window, it was Alaizabel or a midday burglar. Or a sewer rat version of Alaizabel apparently. Without a word Lyle scooped her fragile form up, he was angry sure, but he’d couldn’t talk to her in this state. Was she stupid? Or did she just not care enough to realize that people cared too much to see her in this state. She smelled strongly of salt water, Lyle was desperate to wash that away until all he could detect was the smell of her perfume and cigarettes. Carrying her to the bathroom he sat her down in the tub, clothes and all figuring they needed to be washed anyway.

Turning the water on, the hot liquid filling the tub around the pair of them. It felt cramped and uncomfortable but Lyle could ignore that for the time being. “What are you doing…I just, I need to know, what the fuck you’re doing Alaizabel?” His voice was dry and rickety. It sounded to wounded for his liking, carrying every scar he had never known existed.

Abscondita in Oceano (3:17 PM)

Where the hell did she get off ditching him in the middle of the night only to say that he had given up on her. Lyle had woken up to see Alaizabel darting out of the apartment and he had worried his way through the night, not getting an ounce of sleep. Why was she doing this? Did she have something to hide from him. That thought alone caused him to clench his jaw, he could do this, they could do this. He was fucking desperate to work out whatever problem Alaizabel had with him that she thought it was okay to keep running from him. But who was he to complain he was incapable of telling her how hesitant he was about the baby.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, and that he didn’t want a little family with her. It was…it was just soon. A part of it felt forced for some reason and that scared him to the core. He just wanted Alaizabel back in the apartment, in their bed, and in his arms. He wanted to backtrack a few days before all of this started, before she started to drift out of his grasp. Maybe a baby would fix that. Bring them closer, it would be him making her happy, making her love him. But a baby wasn’t an item to force a person to love you, it was a shit ton of hard work, and could rip a couple apart just as easily as it can bring them together. With that thought in mind he began pacing again, fingers tapping soundlessly against the denim of his jeans.